Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
