also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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