There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
