he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
