Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We're too hungover to prance.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
