someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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