they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
