she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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