i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
