come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She bit a glass in half.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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