He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize