remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
