HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
