I'm gonna have a badass scar
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
