4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
