Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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