I can't breathe out the right side of my face
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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