What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
