Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
