Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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