I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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