You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
