Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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