I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I touched a dick in church today
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
