Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
