If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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