Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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