Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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