that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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