Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
