I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
