what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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