I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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