i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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