would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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