The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
