Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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