I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
