We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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