I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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