Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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