Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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