When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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