dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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