I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I believe in your delicious
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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