I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
