Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
