I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
