So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I AM VODKA MAN
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
