I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
