I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
