May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
