I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She even gives head with a lisp.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
