Cold hands, warm shart.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
