just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize