What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize