I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
