We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
