If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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