great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
