just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
