I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
