Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize