Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
