24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Everclear isn't food dammit
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
