Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
