i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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