you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
