last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i need some magic done to my vagina
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Enjoy the penises
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
