Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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