I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
