Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They took my balls.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize