do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
