first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
