I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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