I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
